«Mama doesn’t want to take care of her own grandchildren, she refuses to help. Meanwhile, there’s no problem with working as a caregiver and looking after other people’s children, it’s normal. Apparently, for the grandmother to stay with her own grandchildren, she should be paid for every hour.
My mom worked in a kindergarten all her life, she has a lot of experience. Even after retiring, she didn’t want to stay at home. First, she worked in a private kindergarten, and now she goes to clients’ houses and takes care of children.
I’ve never had a problem with my mother taking care of other people’s children; my brother and I received plenty of attention. My brother’s children are two and three years old, and I’m raising a four-year-old son. Recently, my mother’s behavior has started to bother me. I can’t speak for my brother, but it’s concerning to me.
I got married five years ago. My husband and I are in the middle class — we’re doing quite well. We took out a mortgage for our apartment and car, and we both work. I didn’t take a maternity leave immediately, as soon as we could, we put our son in daycare. There was no time to stay at home; we needed to earn money and help my husband.
Honestly, I hoped that my mom would help me when my son gets sick. After all, I have a five-day work week, and she has a flexible work schedule. But my mom refused. She said she can’t take care of a sick child, that it’s irresponsible of her towards other children.
«But you take care of sick children of clients,» I couldn’t understand.
«Yes, but I get a higher fee for that and I decline taking care of other clients’ children to avoid them getting infected,» my mother explained.
Oh, great. So I have to pay my mom to take care of her own grandchild? If we had a lot of money, I’d take sick leave without a problem.
When I went on a business trip, I asked my mom to help my husband with our child because my husband goes to work very early and comes back late. The child needed to be taken to daycare and picked up. My husband couldn’t make it on time.
But even then, my mom said she couldn’t help us. It’s inconvenient for her because she has to wake up very early to come to us and pick up our grandson, and in the evening, she has to work. She said we have to manage on our own. I had to call my mother-in-law, who lives in another city, and ask her to stay with us while I was away. I didn’t really like it because I knew my mother-in-law would be snooping around when I’m not there, but we didn’t have any other options.
When our friends invite us over, we either have to go with our child, or most of the time, we have to decline the invitation. Almost no one in our group has children, so they only meet up with adults. It doesn’t make sense to ask for help.
«I thought you’d help us in some way; after all, we’re family,» I protested when she refused to stay with our grandson again.
«I am helping you, but for some reason, you don’t want to notice it.»
«How are you helping us?» I was very surprised.
«Because I don’t ask you or your brother for help. I earn my own money, pay all the bills, buy medicine. I don’t bother you. I think I’m helping you a lot.»
My brother agrees with my mom, saying it could be worse, she could ask us for money since we’re her children, so we should help her. But I think it doesn’t work that way — if she helped us, we would help her. Because we would have that possibility.
But my mom decided that she prefers to take care of other people’s children and pretend she’s independent, rather than help her own children with taking care of her grandchildren. However, we don’t know how long this independence will last.
Main photo: youtube»